Learning to Trust My Generator Energy: How I Stopped Separating Myself and Became Whole
- SK Carr
- Nov 21
- 8 min read
Updated: Nov 22
A story about feminine energy, Generator power, and becoming whole.
There’s a moment in every woman’s life where she realizes she can’t keep living in compartments. Sometimes it’s quiet, sometimes it’s loud,
The “professional” her.
The “body” her.
The “creative” her.
The “relationship” her.
The “spiritual” her.
All lined up like little rooms she walks in and out of, performing different versions of herself depending on who’s watching.
Most women don’t do this on purpose. We’re taught it and sometimes rewarded for it. But there comes a moment when it stops working. It's a moment where the separation starts to feel like suffocation. A moment where your body whispers,“It’s time to come home.”
This is the story of how I came home to myself. Slowly, deeply, and in layers, through feminine energy, Generator energy, and a kind of empowerment I didn’t even know existed until I lived it.
How I Started, Surrounded in Armor
I grew up the youngest of five. The only girl. Four older brothers. No one told me to be tough, but culture doesn’t have to speak to be heard. Because of this, I learned early:
Don’t cry.
Don’t need anything.
Don’t show weakness.
Don’t be too sensitive, even (though I was sensitive to everything).
Be strong like them.
Fit in.
Keep up.
And don’t ever be “too much.”
And not only did I apply these rules to my emotions and my nervous system, I applied them to my body as well. I was three years old the first time I told my mom I didn’t like the way my legs looked in pants. Three.
My separation from myself started early, emotionally and physically.
I was competent, not connected.
Strong, not supported
I could carry everything, except myself.
My 30s Cracked Something Open
Around 35, in a moment that felt small but became profound, I decided to stop hating my thighs. I didn’t love them. Not yet. But I stopped fighting them.
I told myself, “They’re not going anywhere, so you might as well embrace them.”
And the strangest thing happened. People started complimenting my legs everywhere I went.
It was the first time I understood a truth I now hold sacred:
When you soften toward yourself, the world softens toward you.
It didn’t fix everything, but it shifted something.
A tiny stone moved.
A hairline crack opened.
A long-standing pattern loosened.
Then, in my late 30s, something bigger cracked. I finally saw that I was the repeating pattern in my relationships because I was emotionally unavailable to myself.
I had spent my whole life terrified to:
– speak my feelings
– express my needs
– set boundaries
– be fully seen
– risk vulnerability
– say, “That hurt,” or “I need,” or “Can we talk about this?”
So I began the slow, tender process of learning to communicate. Learning to stay present. Learning to sit in discomfort instead of disappearing. And learning to trust my own voice.
I dove in wanting to understand what it meant to be a woman in her feminine essence, because I knew I had those missing pieces. Things like:
Presence.
Receptivity.
Softening.
Self-trust.
The permission to simply be instead of constantly perform.
And here’s what I wish more women knew:
Softness isn’t weakness.
In fact, softness requires more strength, not less.
Your softness becomes possible when you feel safe with yourself.
My strong, stoic self-reliance had become my weakness, and then my vulnerability became my greatest strength.
And Then… I Cocooned
When I met Kevin at 41, I was nowhere near the “perfect” body, the “perfect” career, nor the “perfect” version of myself. All the things I thought I needed to be to be loved.
I didn't need any of it to be loved. Because guess what? We are all worthy in our being no matter where we are.
Kevin deeply adored, and still adores, every inch of me. My body, my quirks, my rhythm, my gifts, and my brilliance.
He didn’t love me in spite of the things I thought were unacceptable. He loved me through them. Because of them. Including them.
His steady, grounded presence became something I absorbed. A lived example of safety, and a blueprint for how to hold myself.
And with that, I began offering that same presence to myself.
For five years, I cocooned. Not hiding. Transforming.
If you had asked me then, I would’ve said I was simply rooting into married life, learning to cohabitate, savoring everyday intimacy, building a foundation I’d never had before.
And I was doing all those things, but now I see it more clearly. My home life wasn’t a pause in the story. It was the chrysalis, and the protected place where my wings were forming.
The place I learned safety.
The place I learned presence.
The place I softened into myself.
Kevin held the container, and more importantly, I held myself within it.
Maybe Feminine Empowerment Isn’t What We’ve Been Taught
Somewhere in that cocoon, a truth rooted itself in me. Empowerment doesn’t always come through force. There is a power that comes from alignment, presence, and truth.
For most of my life, I thought empowerment looked like being the strongest and the most capable. Doing everything myself and never needing help. Proving something and pushing toward something. empowerment was forcing a path.
But real empowerment feels nothing like that. I have leaned It’s quiet. Grounded. Responsive. Embodied. Intuitive. And sustainable.
It’s a woman who knows exactly who she is and doesn’t contort herself to fit anything else.
I’m still learning to be comfortable with the word power. But I’m learning that aligned, fully embodied power, is not something to fear, it’s something to radiate.
And Then My Generator Energy Entered the Chat
I didn’t learn I was a Generator until several after I’d been living like one.
Generators are responders. We move from the sacral. The full-body YESES.
We thrive when we follow satisfaction and fall apart when we push against our truth.
When I started Date Nite, I already knew I was a Generator, and I knew I wanted my business to be built from that place of knowing.
No more forcing strategies that didn’t feel good. No more hustling. No more discipline as punishment.
I began asking myself every day:
“What feels like a full-body yes right now in this moment?”
And everything took root.
My business rooted.
My creativity took off.
And my Pinterest exploded.
Because for the first time, I wasn’t working from fear, pressure and perfectionism. I was working from joy and alignment.
Generators don’t create success from force.
We create success from satisfaction. Deep, soulful satisfaction.
My feminine energy and Generator energy were the same thing wearing different outfits.
Receptive + responsive.
Present + aligned.
Open + embodied.
The Last Piece: My Body
This year, I had a realization that felt almost embarrassing. I had brought my feminine energy into my relationship. I had brought it into my communication. I had brought it into my creativity and business. But I hadn’t brought it into my body.
I was still separating:
food choices
body trust
hunger cues
movement
resistance
fear
shame
old narratives
old protection patterns
As if my body lived in a different room of my life.
So I started asking myself the same Generator question:
“What is a full-body YES right now?”
Not:
What should I eat?
What shouldn't I eat?
What’s healthy?
What’s the perfect choice?
What’s the rule?
What’s the story?
But rather:
What lights up my body with pleasure, nourishment, and ease?
For me, that looks like:
“Coffee?” → full-body yes or full-body no.
“Matcha instead?”
“Or just water?”
“What breakfast feels like a yes? Bagel and cream cheese? Eggs and toast? Banana and peanut butter?”
“Is this cocktail Kevin made a yes for me right now?”
“Do I need to move my body?”
“Is today the day for a hill climb?”
“Or is my full-body yes actually rest?”
And my whole system is shifting, right now, in real time.
My digestion.
My energy.
My mood.
My libido.
My cravings.
My sense of safety.
My relationship to food.
And my relationship to my body.
Just like my business, my body doesn’t respond to force. It responds to resonance as well as checking in and responding.
A Summary of My Timeline
Childhood → Late 30s:
separation, performance, armor
Late 30s → 41:
feminine awakening, learning presence, finding my voice
41 → 46:
cocooning, marriage as safe ground, nervous system healing
46 → now:
Generator alignment in creativity + business
Right now:
Generator alignment in body + intuition + embodiment
And the beautiful thing? None of these were ever separate.I separated myself , but my soul was always guiding back to wholeness.
Piece by piece.
Layer by layer.
Full body YES by full body YES.
What Self Unification Feels Like
It feels like:
no longer abandoning yourself
no longer performing different “selves”
no longer delaying your life until you’re perfect
no longer separating body from purpose
no longer separating pleasure from creativity
no longer separating sensitivity from strength
no longer separating softness from power
no longer separating worth from body
no longer separating your present from your future
It feels like becoming a woman who is the same person everywhere she goes.
Aligned.
Congruent.
Whole.
Embodied.
True.
And Now, My Hope For You
You are not meant to live in pieces or to perform versions of yourself. You are not meant to hustle your way into a life that doesn’t fit.
You are meant to respond to what lights you up.
To listen to your body.
To soften into presence.
You are meant to trust your inner yes and unify what you’ve separated because you are meant to be whole.
If my last decade has taught me anything, it’s this:
When you stop separating yourself andncjosoe to embrace yourself instead (even the ugly parts you hide or despise), your life and your being finally has room to expand.
And everything from you business to your love life, body, and purpose, starts rising together, and that is a beautiful thing to behold, witness, and become.
Your reflections matter here.
If something stirred you, moved you, challenged you, or felt familiar, we would love for you to share in the comments. This space is safe for all in our sphere and community.
And if any part of this story feels familiar, the sparks of resonance, the inner yeses, the places where pressure has never really worked for you, you might be a Generator too. Or a Manifesting Generator, which is part-Generator at its core.
If you’re curious, and you want to explore the blueprint beneath your own energy, you can look up your Human Design type for free here:
Sometimes seeing your archetype written out is the first moment something clicks, and you might realize you were never “doing it wrong.”
You were simply wired for a different kind of power.
About Us
Hi! We’re Kevin and Kate, the husband-and-wife duo behind Date Nite, where food, cocktails, creativity, and inner growth all meet at the same table. We believe in rituals that bring people closer, conversations that soften the edges of everyday life, and meals that feel like an exhale at the end of the day. Our kitchen is where we experiment, play, laugh and even argue while continually learning how to love each other better. Whether you’re here for a menu, a cocktail, or the deeper journey of becoming whole, we’re so glad you’re with us.
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Beautifully written, Sara Kate